Artsy-fartsy movies opening this weekend that I want to see:
Pan's Labyrinth: Dude, seriously, eye-handed monsters and the Spanish Civil War, together at last? I'm totally there.
Letters from Iwo Jima: Actually, I'll probably wait for Flags of our Fathers to come out on DVD and watch them back-to-back, as Jesus intended
Artsy-Fartsy movies opening soon that I want to see:
Black Book (March 9): I've always loved Paul Verhoeven. Unlike a lot of directors, he has a distinct ability to wed sleaze and mindless violence with effective satire and subversive thematics. This is the first film he's made in his native Holland in twenty years, and the subject matter, Jews evading Nazis during the occupation of Amsterdam, is super promising.
The Host (March 9): U.S. military experiments in Asia lead to the creation of a sea monster that could destroy mankind. No, it's not Godzilla, it's some sort of giant salamander or something, and it's in Korea, not Japan, and it's apparently really, really good.
The Wind that Shakes the Barley (March 14): There are few nerdy topics I enjoy more than the Anglo-Irish War--the Spanish Civil War is one of them--, and even the thought of a bloody dramatization of that event done by the super-lefty British director Ken Loach that won the 2006 Palm d'Or brings me to the brink of nerd-gasm.
Sunshine (March 16): Danny Boyle has made a sci-fi movie about astronauts going to the sun. What else do you need to know?
Southland Tales (April): Apparently, this movie was been getting hammered at film festivals and is going under a drastic re-edit, but it's apocalyptic, and it's directed by Richard Kelly (Donnie Darko) so I still want to check it out.
Movies that should kick a whole lot of ass:
Zodiac (March 2): The real-life story of the never-caught Zodiac killer, directed by David Fincher. Hells, yeah.
300 (March 9): The trailer for this adaptation of Frank Miller's graphic novel about the battle of Thermopylae, alternately exhilerated and annoyed the hell out of me. I don't really know what to expect when I go see this one, but the truly remarkable look of the movie has me hoping for the best.
Grindhouse (April 6): Tarantino, Rodriguez, zombies, a trailer featuring the most awesomest dude-getting-hit-by-truck footage of all time, and zombies. Also, zombies. Yes.
Movies that I'm embarrassed I want to see:
Smokin' Aces (January 26): Simply writing those words should rightfully cause every person reading this to stop immediately and never come back to this sight. Yes, it's a big, stupid, overly-edited Tarantino-rip, ten years after Tarantino-rip offs became mindnumbling passe, but I have my reasons. Aside from zombies, there is one cinema plot element that I am drawn to like a monkey to masturbation: a bunch of different hitmen trying to kill the same guy. Yeah, it's stupid. Go to hell! I'm not on trial here!
The Hills Have Eyes 2: Last year's Hills Have Eyes remake was nasty, brutal and over the top in it's violence, so of course I want to see this one to find out if they filmmakers top themselves. I'm expecting full-on mutant baby rape (that's the rape of a baby by a mutant, not the rape of a mutant baby).
Shooter (March 16): Yes, it's a stupid action movie, but it's a stupid action movie based on a really good book that I read in high school.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (March 23): All the proof anyone could ever need of my stark inability to mature as a person.
Blades of Glory (March 30): Speaking of failure to mature, I know I should be over Will Ferrell by now, but I still think he's hilarious. His near-psychotic commitment to his characters is unparralleled in American comedy, and he's more likely than any of his comedic contemporaries to drop a sweaty load of left-field absurdism on the unsuspecting heads of his audiences.
More soon.
*: "Antici-boner" is a registered trademark of Worse than Hitler productions.
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