GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra

In the annals of cinema, 2009 will go down as the Summer of Hasbro. Two of the biggest action tentpole features of the season have been brought to you by a toy company looking the squeeze a few more ducats out of a couple of moribund cartoon/action figure franchises. Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen and GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra are sort of the Goofus and Gallant of toy-based summer movies. Where Transformers is incoherent, defiantly stupid and inexplicably epic in length, GI Joe features a lean, propulsive narrative and well-crafted, cleanly-shot action sequences. And yet, Transformers 2 stands out as a sort of anti-auteurist work: that specific combination of desperate pandering, sweaty, sweaty close-ups and abstract expressionist editing could only come from the fevered crypto-fascist ganglia of Michael Bay. For all of GI Joe's director Stephen Sommers' laudable talent for staging action sequences, he can't hold a candle to Bay at putting his mark on his films.

Still, one shouldn't underestimate the value of generic competence in moviemaking, especially moviemaking involving futuristic supersoldiers fighting ninjas. The whole point of a movie like this is to provide maximum butt-kicking, and Sommers delivers on that count. GI Joe is a string of sleek, kinetic action sequences connected by goofy bits of character development that never go on long enough to become seriously irritating. The performances are generally inoffensive, with even Marlon Waynes failing to nauseate and Channing Tatum managing a sort of lower-wattage Mark Wahlberg casual-badass vibe as "Duke." Duke and his bro Ripcord (Waynes) get waylaid by terrorists while transporting experimental warheads and end up signing on with super-secret world police organization "GI Joe," lead by General Dennis Quaid. Duke, Ripcord, and his new Joe-bros, like Snakes, Breaker, Heavy Duty and sexy genius Scarlett O'hara face off with a bunch of supersoldiers bent on world domination, and Sienna Miller, who you know is evil because she dyed her hair black. The movie culminates in a massive showdown in an underwater bunker that calls to mind a more exciting version of the three-scenes-in-one finale of Phantom Menace.

GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra is probably the most well-realized summer action film of the year, and given the fact that summer action films are supposed to be the thing that Hollywood does best, that's an impressive accomplishment. Yet, I weirdly found myself wishing for some of that patented Michael Bay idiocy, because watching a Michael Bay film puts a viewer on the edge of their seat, waiting for the next stunning insult to their intelligence. And for some inexplicable reason, that can be more entertaining that actual entertainment.